[[ FRAGILE ]]

Fragile is this beating heart beneath this lapel of my black boyfriend blazer.

The TV was blaring this morning. The morning news, unlike he morning air, stunk of politicking and brainwashing. I sank on the sofa, opened my now off-white netbook to log on to Facebook. I clicked home and the news feed was as stinky as the morning news. I do not know why but I cringe whenever I see someone's status which is a copy-paste of those text messages that are forwarded and back over and over again. And then I saw this thread. "Really? She did... " "Yep! Positive." "Oh my God!" Oh okay, they were talking about me on their walls. I heard my heart crack a little and I let out a soft sigh. The morning was losing its freshness as the air heats up.

That afternoon, I was walking mindlessly around the stores and restaurants in the university campus. I went over to the one that serves the best pasta. I was already salivating at the thought of ordering their creamy and saucy spaghetti de carbonara, reminiscent of that scene in Eat Pray Love. The waiter came after 15 minutes. "Friend. There you go." Yes, I am a regular here and the staff address me as Friend. Anyway my eyes zoomed on the food on my table. The air smells of cheese and meat and that homy feel when Mom cooks at home. I picked up the fork and put all my mind on making the perfect coil of pasta around my fork. It suddenly felt cold when a customer went inside the restaurant. Without looking up, I knew it was you.

I can see from the corner of my left eye that you are with someone. So, she is the one. I shouldn't be clumsy now, of all the times that I shouldn't be clumsy, it is now, I thought. But my fingers are disobedient and the fork that I was holding fell on the plate making an embarrassing noise. I know you looked my way. I didn't dare, would never dare to look back. Boiling anger spills over my chest into my numb fingers. I gathered all the poise I could muster and ate in silence. This spaghetti de carbonara used to be heaven. That moment, just sitting there was hell. I could hear you laugh. Softly, she laughed with you, the kind of laugh I wish I was the one doing. I couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, you were laughing at me. Quickly, I gulped every ball of pasta down my throat that ached stifling the sobs back. I paid my bill. I stood up, thankful that I wore my highest heel that somehow makes me feel like a rock star and walked past you and
looked at you in the eye and turned back like a triumphant beauty pageant contestant, except this time no crown has been won but a love lost.

I ran to the streets, aware of this beating heart breaking beneath the lapel of my black boyfriend blazer. Heart of mine, how fragile you are!

Disclaimer: This is pure fiction. I swear! lol